Published Articles
By Dr. William R. Morrow, D.Min. LMFT

“Psychotherapy as Meaningful Conversation”

Conversations on the storied beach of Lewis Carroll’s poem suggest that some seemingly nonsense topics must be addressed when the appropriate moment arrives, and in the appropriate setting.

The room where I practice psychotherapy, I have declared as special territory. It is like the embassy of a foreign country where, once you pass through the gate, different laws apply to the individual, in this case the rules of engagement. A different flag flies there. For one thing, the courts of the land outside the office cannot touch matters of confidentiality. Most importantly, conversations are not ordinary, and the interaction is meant to run deeper than every-day exchanges at home, at work or on the street. The exchange of words in that place makes it a sanctuary from unproductive chitchat.

The therapeutic conversation is meant to caringly take up matters that you wouldn’t dare to speak of elsewhere: What you might call “sore subjects” or private thoughts you can’t tell anyone else. Outside the door lies the likelihood of being criticized, rejected, or misunderstood. Even your mother or your best friends can’t resist giving advice on delicate matters when all you really wanted to do was to ponder or ventilate.

It is true that insurance companies who cover psychotherapy want solutions to life’s problems, and want them quick. My opinion: Major life issues that bring a person to his/her knees probably should be mulled over a little in order to squeeze some meaning out of these hard topics. I say this not that anyone’s suffering should be prolonged, but because mulling, in the therapy sense, generates healing energy. It helps you transform your perspective on things.

However, good psychotherapy, as serious deliberation, seems to be less in vogue these days. The need for mental health insurance has dictated “cost effective” and “solution-oriented” therapies which are more affordable but less in-depth. Worse yet, and I will be taken to task as out-of-date, professionals can get licensed without the personal preparation of therapy for the therapist. Personal therapy, sometimes called” training therapy” lays the groundwork for a therapist to be capable of going where angels fear to tread. Therapists are responsible for holding an emotional atmosphere that tolerates temporary ambiguity, and does not rush the client to too easy answers.

Good psychotherapists are like shamans: they have tracked their own emotional and spiritual journey far enough and deep enough to understand human nature and the nature of true healing.

Psychologist Matthew Mehl, at the University of Arizona, has come up with some research, which says that people who make time during their day to have meaningful conversations are happier than those who are given to small talk. When people engage in conversations about things like parenting, education, or other issues of substance, they report that they are happier. This compared to more superficial conversation where everything is kept light.

How is therapeutic conversation different from a friendly chat? It is the “talking cure”, but not just any talk. Usually the hour is spent encouraging self-reflection. The therapist guides mental energy away from intellectualizing or obsessive thoughts. Troubling feelings, which are put into words, are calmed. The therapist asks the kind of questions you have forgotten to ask yourself. It focuses on the inner self, and assumes that the solutions, which come from the deepest part of you, are the ones you can live with.

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