Published Articles
By Dr. William R. Morrow

“Stress Affects Marriage of the Strongest”

Rulon Gardner, the Olympic Greco-Roman wrestler, who could turn anybody into a pretzel, was impressively strong. But yet not so strong, I imagine, as the legendary Hercules, himself. I mean the original Greek hero. According to the myth, he was the strongest guy of all time, defeating everyone he wrestled with. Except for, as the story goes, this guy Antaeus, who just happened to discover his secret, and actually defeat Hercules! In an elegant Dutch wood carving from the 17 th century, Antaeus is depicted lifting Hercules right off his feet. Otherwise not very tough looking, this clever fellow knew that Hercules drew his strength from having his feet on the ground. Lose your contact with the ground, and lose your energy. Bad situation, but yet do we know the real Hercules?

Rumor has it that Hercules wife, Meg, did not have this secret figured out. She had the opposite notion: that his weakness stemmed from having his head in the clouds. She knew he was not what everybody at the Mt. Olympus Fitness Center thought he was. There, he was admired for his lifting-strength and good muscle tone. But at home, he couldn't remember to walk the dog, and didn't talk much. To her friends he was known as “Herk the Jerk”. And Meg didn't know what was wrong with him; she thought it was a rather one-sided marriage.

If they had come in for marriage therapy in my time-period, I would have been able to recognize the Hercules Complex right away. I would have seen that this original couple is no different than the modern-day couple who carries around this same age-old issue.

The Hercules Complex is where the husband is generally a hard worker, proud of his ability to earn a good wage to support the family, and is recognized in the community. Like Hercules, he is a hero outside his home. Yet because he is so stressed, he has nothing left to give when he walks in the door of his own house. He wants the recognition for his economic thoughtfulness, but the wife is not inclined to give him much recognition. Instead, she complains that she is emotionally starving. Of course, then he feels hurt and angry, and more stressed; then he is even less inclined to talk.

Legendary problems call for legendary treatment! Better to get his feet back on the ground, and get his own priorities in order so that he can manage his stress. It is not surprising that stress management is the way to get “grounded”. Stress causes all sorts of problems, including physical ones that can take the strength a man needs for a viable marriage right out of him. Do I have to mention impotence and hair loss?

Stress management for these misunderstood husbands begins with relaxation training. This is the kind of relaxation which enables a man to take time out of his heroic schedule and get back in touch with the planet beneath him. It requires sitting still, taking a few deep breaths, and opening one's self to inner awareness. This is not a woosy thing. It requires bravery to stay in touch with one's inner demons in the face of the demands of the physical and material world. I am talking about moving one's life toward emotional maturity .

Because of the Hercules complex, today's married man has a hard time struggling to be a proper husband. Self-awareness or “groundedness”, on the other hand, leads mentally to a balanced relationship. Now we have a man who is using the part of his brain that could make him a hero in his own home!

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