Published Articles
By Dr. William R. Morrow

“Marriage of the Future”

This summer there will be a lot of weddings, marking the beginnings of the marriages of the future. New brides and grooms will stand up and make solemn promises about their new relationship, and declare the ideals they share, with the flush of great resolve and determination. A truly difficult thing to do in the face of the known statistics they face regarding marital success. The divorce heritage which new couples face these days is difficult enough, but it is additionally made difficult by the unknown future of their marriage. Things unknown and maybe things that are nobody's fault.

It must be said that a great deal of what happens in the marriage of the future will be determined by sociological factors. In case, like me, you aren't a college professor, this means that if you are a newly married couple you are going to get squished by forces outside your relationship, if you are not careful. And I don't just mean your in-laws. Creating long-term marriages (defined as, let's say, anything over seven years) is going to be a different proposition in this century than it was in the last. It is because there are trends and developments in our culture evolving all the time (for example increased longevity) which will affect marriage. How to get ready?

It is part of our task as therapists to defend couples against destructive forces of the world in which the marriage is lived out. What have we done to protect marriage from the gremlins of divorce? We have been preoccupied with helping couples just to cope with what they have to contend with within the relationship. We have applied our expertise in working inside the relationship, and that has to be done as well. And done first of all. But, as I look at the marriage of the future, I wish that counselors as well as the couples themselves could gather strength from a greater knowledge of what we will all be up against from OUTSIDE the relationship.

For one thing, the role of women, already different from the traditional woman of yesteryear, will continue to evolve. More women will be more educated and look for their fulfillment in careers as well as in maternal pursuits. ( Hey! today's women are smart! They have brains as well as genitals.) It will continue to present a difficulty for what's left of the traditional male role of today's husbands, who may not like emptying the dishwasher. Look, guys, even if you could earn a ton of money, you won't be able to hold back wives who want to do something besides housework and raise children. You can't keep them down on the farm, because the farm is gone from the landscape, along with the traditional wife! And, literally, with less economic dependence, your woman, who nowadays looks at a long lifespan, may be quicker to initiate divorce.

There will also be more choices about having children. Couples will have to engage in making decisions about fertility issues, health issues, and maybe even the gender of their baby. Already thousands of couples are traveling to Russia and China to adopt. More countries and skin colors will be added to the list. International adoption, combined with more marriages crossing the racial barriers, will result in more cross-cultural issues in the marriage relationship.

Finally, not all marriages and families of the future will look alike. Diverse family units, including blended-families, gay couples, and stay-at-home-fathers, will become more accepted. And people will keep celebrating their adventures in family living, with weddings and hopefully wedding anniversaries.

________________________________________________