Published Articles
By Dr. William R. Morrow

“Rational Approach to Marriage Preparation”

Weddings are irrational. So many silly and illogical customs that, if you think about it, seem to invoke some primitive forces from the dark side. The bridal veil, for example, in medieval times, had to be worn to protect the woman from assaults from the devil himself, lest he strike the beautiful maiden on her nose right at her most vulnerable moment. And whoever thought that trailing old shoes behind the getaway car made sense?! Some early-times wedding lore, drawing on Druid rites, must have caused worry that the new couple was exposed to great peril, therefore needing magic. Going to a wedding these days is like going to a baseball game where the players reenact all sorts of superstitious compulsions to increase their good luck. It transforms a mere sporting event into impromptu theater. The great American wedding is peppered with its own compulsions and paranormal rituals beyond the ken of the attending clergy. No right thinking religion ever said you had to release doves or spend in the five figures to make the whole thing come out properly. Has expense become a superstition too? Like, dole out a lot or it won't succeed.

In the midst of a surplus of irrational drama about the wedding, I say do something rational! Go scientific! Balance pagan homage to the primitive brain with a tribute to the higher brain. Offset the dark side with a little enlightenment. This caveat seems to fit into most pre-wedding sub-cultures like a grizzly bear at a barbeque. I am daring to talk about what seems to be taboo around this glorious time: getting a handle on the strengths and weaknesses of the couple's relationship styles. It's true: The high science of marriage psychology can help the about-to-be couple objectify a few of the issues which are the building blocks of a healthy, sustained relationship. For example, where do they each stand on handling finances, parenting, in-laws, ex-spouses, conflict resolution?

It would save me a lot of trouble later on if couples were more educated about each other's personality quirks and differences of values right up front. If they already had some insights into their emotional baggage and fighting styles, their expectations and needs, it wouldn't come as a shock when the hormones wear off and they have to figure out what love and commitment really mean. My job would be easier if husbands and wives had a relationship vocabulary when they get into trouble waters and call me up in a crisis. Or maybe there wouldn't be a crisis. Maybe they would just call to say they have been sitting around the pool sorting out a few issues on their own, and only want a little consultation because John is putting the finishing touches on his Oedipus complex. Seriously, relationship science has come a long way with the advent of computerized and researched pre-marital questionnaires that spit out what the university types have already learned and are (amazingly) able to put into simple terms. It is a way to help in the gender wars. Rational. Cheap, compared to limousines and tuxedo rentals.

There is a place right here in Ft Myers where you can go for this kind of self-evaluation. Living up to its name, the Life Education and Counseling and Center (non-profit group) is offering a package deal to couples who want to bring science into their relationship. After filling out a non-threatening questionnaire, the results are computer scored, churning out profiles for discussion. The therapists there help with follow-up and ideas for making the couple more compatible, and the relationship more loving. Phone them at 334-4277.

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