Published Articles
By Dr. William R. Morrow

“The Perfect Marriage”

Officials in Saudi Arabia want to ban Barbie dolls from their society. According to the Associated Press article, the morality police of that Muslim country believe Barbie dolls are not good for the young girls of their country because Barbie is portrayed with a mature body and too-revealing clothing.

What are they thinking? Do they believe that this little fundamentalist jab will shame a modernizing toy trend which flaunts the values of Western civilization? Hardly! Barbie's influence is more powerful than Osama himself, and, at the same time, she has probably caused more trouble for two generations of young women around the world. I'm talking POWER! Osama Bin Laden only threatens our bodies. Barbie threatens the self-image of young women everywhere.

Nevertheless, these Saudi guardians of good values have, without saying so, struck a chord for psychological health not only for the doll crowd but also for young couples everywhere. Impossible role models and the consequent perfectionism is a danger to the marriage culture.

The Saudis have it partly right, so far as I am concerned, but don't go far enough. First of all, they should have realized that Barbie is only a physically mature woman if you think anorexia is normal. Secondly, they missed the chance to expose Barbie's boyfriend, Ken, for the dangers that he presents to the male image. If you haven't looked, Ken is a kind of Arnold Schwarzenegger with better teeth. It is the two of them, as a too-much couple, who are subversive role models for healthy relationships. They have become symbols of perfectionism at a time when the divorce rate in this country is largely about our inability as couples to learn to live with our humanness. Look more closely: Does Barbie have stretch marks or less-than-pointy breasts? Does Ken have flabby abs or a balding pate? And you can bet that when Ken and Barbie get together in their Barbie townhouse, Ken doesn't forget to take out the garbage. And Barbie never has any fluctuating moods.

See, these symbols of perfection are not ideals at all, but the champions of impossible standards for a marriage. Obviously, there are some basic standards for maintaining a good relationship, but many couples give up on working at a relationship that disappoints them. Instead, in this divorce prone American culture it is too easy to throw away what appears to be imperfect and look for a new, more perfect, partner.

Ken and Barbie should be stopped in their little tracks, because they stir up neurotic marital behavior. Neither partner can meet their spouse's demand to be the perfect mate because it is humanly impossible to fulfill all the unmet needs and unrealistic expectations. Perfectionism when it pervades a marriage only makes partners look in all the wrong places for satisfaction. It fosters hurtful criticism.
Everybody is missing a few bricks from their chimney and brings some emotional baggage into the relationship. This unfulfilled heartache is bound to lead to some disappointment in the mate. Better to seek understanding of what is realistic about intimate relationships, as well as a realistic understanding of oneself.

The concept of the perfect marriage is a threat to real flesh and blood marriages. Let our intimate relationships be more tolerant and accepting. Let the marital atmosphere be a place where love can be more unconditional. Such love is the realistic standard for two well-meaning mates working at real and dynamic human relationships which are bound to have their ups and downs.

I'm waiting for the reformed, talking version of Barbie and Ken who, when you squeeze them, say, "But dear, I'm only human!"

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