Published Articles
By Dr. William R. Morrow

“Single Mothers”

As a relationship columnist, I usually beat the drum in favor of relationship benefits." Live longer, fulfill your destiny, and enjoy the companionship of an intimate relationship" is what you usually hear me raving about here. But there is a significant group of individuals in our community for which I black-out that message, and would urge careful consideration when it comes to getting hooked up: I'm talking about the large, poor and unsung group of single mothers.

A single mother should go slow in forming new relationships. Although there are a lot of factors driving her, like a gale force wind, toward a new partnership, she should think seriously before sailing into dangerous waters. "Be cautious!", I'd say to her. "A new man in your life may not be the answer to your problems."

Already, any single mother, by virtue of her "status" is in a very vulnerable situation, and assuredly not all of it is of her own making. There are usually humongous financial problems, not to mention parenting difficulties, and the loneliness of the long-distant runner. She is the victim of a society that does not provide much support for her. Low-paying jobs, child-care expenses, and sometimes not much child-support payment leave her struggling, often at the poverty level. Her children face educational and emotional problems much more than if they were in two-parent households. She suffers from isolation, rejection and discouragement. She may have sacrificed her own career to support her husband's, and ended up without good job skills. No single mother would have chosen to wind up in the lowest socio-economic group just for the sake of parenthood. Being a single parent is harder on the woman than the man.

Someone is going to beat me with a rolled up newspaper for saying this, but the single-parent mother also has some responsibility for her situation. Assuming she had a choice, she made some bad ones in the past, consciously or unconsciously. Or maybe she is the one who decided after awhile that being alone was better than being in a bad relationship. But now she can take control over that area of her life that she can do something about..

Her bad situation adds up to a vulnerability that makes it look like she would be better off to rejoin the world of two-parent families. Bad financials and having to do everything alone are a set-up for seeking a new male partner. Some yearning part of her inner self wants to get it right. Yet, without reassessment, the new guy may turn out to be strangely like the old guy. What is this? Repetition compulsion? Following a divorce, both men and women often find themselves drawn to a partner just as dysfunctional as the one they thought they were getting away from.

The single mother faces a hard up-hill battle to eke out a life for herself and her kids. There are not a lot of social services in our community to help. However, when it comes to emotional support, I recommend one organization that offers an affordable support group designed just for single mothers. The Life-education and Counseling Center has a Cape Coral location for this group. Phone them at 334-4277 for more information.

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