Published Articles
By Dr. William R. Morrow

“Talk is Not Cheap, But It is Essential”

I heard on the radio about a man in Yemen who divorced his wife and married a woman who could neither hear nor speak. It is no wonder we think of these Middle Eastern countries as sources of terror, because this kind of behavior could give Marriage in America some very bad ideas. While I have compassion for all the parties involved, I would not want such a phenomenon to catch on in this country. Nobody should have to live under the threat that they have said too much. True, some spouses manage to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, but didn't this guy realize it's just a natural human thing to seek to exchange words with your mate, no matter what country you are in?

I have compassion for the divorced wife, because she does not have much status as a Yemeni woman to begin with, and because she apparently is getting punished for communicating with her husband. Her married lady friends are forewarned about communication overload. Marital communication, whatever it was before in Yemen, is sure to suffer. On the other hand, you could make a case for this woman getting the better deal. Perhaps she knows something we don't, and is relieved to find a way out of an intolerable and tyrannical situation.

I feel sorry for the new wife because her disability is bringing her into a situation where she will be without basic tools of communication. I could only hope that she will be honored in this new marriage for her non-verbal skills. Still I doubt that the husband sought her out for such high purposes. Barbara Walters should go and interview the woman, and get to the bottom of this. Can you imagine Barbara doing Yemeni sign language? Will she find out that the woman is far more clever than we thought? Will Barbara rescue her from the burka and a demeaning existence? Tune in next week.

I feel sorry for the husband because of the kind of choice he made. Maybe if we knew the inside story, we would think he was concerned for the new woman's handicap. But as it was told to me, he wanted somebody who did not yell at him. Well, he got that. But he also got more trouble. Now that he has been with this new wife for a while, I wonder what he is telling his buddies down at the hashish parlor? He is probably complaining that she sees him ogling other women. He should talk to some of the divorced husbands in this country who thought they were going to solve their problems with a new wife. He is going to wish he had worked it out with the loud wife. The next thing you know, he will divorce this woman for seeing too much and saying too little. Some men are never satisfied, and think their problem is being with the wrong woman.

But the greatest disservice of this whole sad saga is to the fundamental role of communication. Communication is a vital tool of marriage. It is essential to working out all other difficulties. If you can talk out a conflict, you can handle almost anything. Communication cannot be eliminated, as if there were other enduring aspects to a marriage that could get along without it. This man in Yemen misunderstands the importance of communication in finding intimacy.

Words spoken and words heard connect two people together for the sake of exchanging feelings and needs. Communication is powerful. As human beings who talk and listen, we move beyond the world of primitive existence and enter into a place where true (I mean emotional) intimacy is enjoyed. Men, if you want to really get close to a woman, you have to listen to her words. Or at least some of them. Women, according the Mars/Venus man, have to say five thousand words everyday. We men, while less evolved are more efficient with words and can get along with a meager marital vocabulary. But still, guys, you do have to talk. If you don't, she will get frustrated and probably start yelling. Then you will have wished you had moved to another country.

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