Published Articles
By Dr. William R. Morrow

"RELATIONSHIPS NEED HELP FROM THE SAINTS"

"Define love", she said. "It's a hollow place", he said," you go around with this hollow place inside you all your life, then you meet somebody who fills up that hollow place, and you don't feel hollow anymore. This is Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick talking ethereally, in the movie " Addicted to Love", an otherwise fun and lighthearted trip through the lives of four young love-seekers. Meg has to set Matt straight on the love thing, though, and gives a different, if gross, view of love, by her standards. She says it's more like her father's relationship to his pet dog. He had to patiently remove the maggots from the dog's anatomy with no expectation of it being a pleasant task. So much for the verse on your next Hallmark Valentine card.

This love story, like so many others I have witnessed, definitely needed more than a touch of St. Valentine. You've seen relationships that really hum throughout the time of the courtship phase, then, life moves on. The soul-mate society goes into the children-in-diapers phase. Partners wish for a restoration of romance. Of course, it often happens, but then there is a new phase, as the kids grow up, and/or move away. By this time, several Valentines Days later, something is still lacking. Spouses notice that the marriage isn't filling up the hollow place. Now, it is more obvious that this is a two-saint relationship. Bring in St. Monica.

Monica, who lived in the fourth century, and is not to be confused with any other Monica, had a bad marriage with this fellow Patritius. He had a violent temper and "dissolute" habits. She also had mother-in-law problems. However, she was able to be of comfort to the other wives in her village who were going through the same things. And, eventually her prayers were able to help even her husband. For this she was made a saint and had quite a following even a thousand years later. It didn't hurt that she was the mother of the well-confessed St. Augustine. Her reputation is still heralded in many cultures as the patron saint for bad marriages.

We marriage counselors need all the help we can get , including from the saints . This lady, St. Monica, understands that all marriages don't work out like in the movies. She, herself, weathered a lot and knew what it was like to experience disappointment in your partner. She, in her esteemed place among the saints, is someone who can lend an ear to the pleas of troubled couples, and has more to offer, for the long haul, than this guy Valentine. It's reassuring to know there's help for the worst of situations. St. Monica, or marriage therapy itself, may not turn the marriage frogs into princes and princesses, but between the therapist and the saintly consultant, the counseling still ranks as being enormously helpful if there is some easing of pain. Just add a little sense of purpose to the rugged day-to-day adventures of being in a difficult relationship. No miracle, but love lives become a little more pleasurable.

The saintly quality here says that somewhere in the heavenly dimension, there is room for varieties of marital satisfaction. Not everybody is going to get flowers or have consistent romantic moments. Yet their relationship still qualifies as the real thing, even if it needs a little help. Maybe for some just a little lovin' redeems the week, but I say better put some of that energy into pursuing some wisdom for the big picture. Invoke the saint, in your own way, and you gain the power of the symbol: It attests that we are capable of growing through the developmental stages of the marriage, after the courtship stage is over. We all need some help to gain the lesson of the newest transition to confront us. These are times of stress in a marriage that is bound to upset the family, especially if we have temporarily misplaced the meaningful stuff.

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