Published Articles
By Dr. William R. Morrow

"DANCING THROUGH LIFE, MARRIED"

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, there is a lot I can't do for the couples that come to see me." Because of my training, there is a lot that I know how to do and just when to do it. Now that Managed Health Care has become a major player in the treatment scene, there are constraints on how long I have to do what I'm going to do. But the reason I can't do everything that could be helpful is because some therapeutic programs lie outside my realm of expertise: I have recently discovered that dancing together can be a great way to improve a marriage. Dance Therapy as a popular healing art of the '70's was mostly an individual experience. It was done in groups, and sometimes with partners, but it was not designed for couples in a relationship.

What I have in mind is regular dancing. No cost-conscious treatment plans, no new age gurus. Just good old fashioned dancing. Before there were marriage counselors, there was dancing. I suspect that partners in a long-term relationship knew, down in their dancing shoes, that dancing was good for the relationship. That's why it has survived as a worldwide activity in many forms. Sure, it's been used for meeting people, and maybe even for sexual harassment, but, in the larger view of things, it is about couples and working out a relationship. The reason that adolescents like dancing (once they actually begin dancing with another person) is because it's a way of practicing up for closeness before they actually get to adult-level relationships. I don't think physical closeness is the only thing they are trying , in this nonverbal way, to figure out. They need to rehearse for the lifelong emotional partnership they aspire to. So dance they do.

In fact, my parents met and courted at the old Grange Hall. In their year, dancing was the major social activity, and every rural community made a place for weekly live music gatherings. Square-dancing was popular then, and my father was one of the 11 callers" . Without a public address system, he sang out the instructions to the couples, who wove their way around the floor, but always came back "home" to their original partner. I have to think now that my father was like a marriage counselor, giving structure and direction to shy couples, reticent couples, and couples who needed to solve something non-verbally. Later on, my sister took up the dancing theme in the family: she signed up for tap-dancing lessons. Not me. A body at rest tends to remain at rest. Dancing was not something a guy was going to do until he needed to. So, dancing was in my blood, but it took me along time to develop my genetic potential, and see what dancing could do for me. I went to the high-school and college dances, but I didn't know what I was doing; it was freeform. I was not smooth. It wasn't until my wife and I started country and western dancing that I really came to see what it could do for married couples. My wife and I, who thought of ourselves as neither country or western, began to enjoy the activity and the subtle personal benefits.

The reason dancing together is good for a married partnership is because it strengthens the sense of unity. Two people who live and move in separate space (and sometimes separate universes) all week long, now have to negotiate, coordinate, and share the same space. They also have to share leadership, be sensitive to one another's signals in order to move across the floor as a single unit. The dance instructor says the man is supposed to be in charge at all times on the dance floor, and I have to admit this appeals to me. When I know what I'm doing, I lead with a flourish that I imagine must look really cool. But that's a lot of strain on my enjoyment of the kinesthetic experience, and, while I do my part, I like to know that my wife is doing her part as well. Still, I've learned some things about leadership. And beyond unity, there is the sheer enlivening power of the movement itself. If there was any lack of energy before you get yourselves moving, dancing surely wakes up the marital endorphins! It's one of the clearest things people like about dancing: it makes you feel good! When you dance together, both spouses feel lighter and livelier at the same time. That's got to be good for a marriage.

I can, having tried it out myself, heartily recommend couples dancing as a therapeutic tool and plain old fun. Managed Health Care should thank me for this inexpensive contribution to the mental health of husbands and wives. Maybe the increase in popularity of couples going out dancing will also make marriages stronger and long lasting. Maybe some of the churches that used to be against dancing could now promote it as marriage enrichment. This summer, I will be attending the wedding of two dance instructors. After they get the leadership thing worked out, they should be a powerhouse of a couple. This newly coupled unit can demonstrate how two persons, originally strangers and quite capable of moving through life separately and alone, can now join forces and dance through life together.

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