Published Articles
By Dr. William R. Morrow

"Your Inner Critic"

" Your Inner Critic." Some of the worst relationships I have ever been in have been relationships with myself. From time to time, when I sit down to have a little talk with myself, things deteriorate into an experience that is like being in the school principal's office. It's in those situations when the nemesis of my own psyche gains the upper hand and negative self-talk goes wild.

It's not good for me or for those around me, because nothing interferes with good relationships with real people more than that tyrannical resident watchbird, called the Inner Critic. It is more unwelcomed than your brother-in-law, but nonetheless, moves right in to occupy vital inner space in your head. There it nags at you far more than any friend,enemy or relative ever would or could. It is a relationship with yourself that you don't need. I don't know how this bothersome character ever got so much power over us. It harps and carps and interferes with the day-to-day satisfaction we could otherwise enjoy from being with other people. Right when you think your relationships with significant others are running smoothly, old Inner Critic throws a monkey wrench of doubt into the mix. You can recognize its whiny voice, because it usually has this know-it-all, superior-sounding tone when it interrupts your fun with, "You're not doing this right", or "What a dumb thing to say!" Its most used vocabulary word is "should".

This Voice is not to be confused with your healthy conscience which is a rightful guest in your mental inventory. This kind force, by contrast, nudges you with more gentle reminders in those times when you overstep your own value system. It is your friend.It provides you with appropriate guilt. A healthy conscience you want to keep. It helps keep you civilized and fun to be around.

Inner Critic serves no beneficial purpose. It is like a hyperactive coach standing over you, pointing out every little flaw and minor relationship infraction. There is so much mental flack coming at you that it becomes impossible to just do what you can do, be what you can be, with the abilities that you possess. It is anxiety producing, and the more anxiety, the less you can put forth your best in a relationship.

This is the time when I call out the National Guard. I mean those good guys in your brain that can go into action to questions the "shoulds", and quell the Inner Critic. These little soldiers of mercy help you to confront the barrage of distorted opinions that you are inflicting on yourself, and, at the same time, encourage you to be more reasonable with yourself. There is even a brigade whose speciality is to arm you with better self-talk. So, wouldn't you rather hear messages from yourself like, "You are capable of using good judgment", or "You deserve to have a productive relationship with someone who treats you well." ?

When you begin to get this encouraging dialogue going in your head, you are bound to create sleeker vibrations in your relationships with real people. Ah! Did you just hear that loving inner voice? It was saying "You can do it"!

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